Sometimes, once in a while, I watch a good TV series I or someone else bough and drown myself in self in it's universe. Then, when everything's out of plot and playtime, you realized that know almost everything about every character in this series and you realize that you know more about them and their situation than you know about you. All the time when this comes to my head, I look around, seeing a fag sitting on a bed in his parent's house and making Lego guns if he's not playing videogames or working on something else geeky. You dad comes home, you see him looking old, almost with a touch of grey today and you just want to find a new life for yourself. You're used to the "standards" in your series, having what THEY do in mind and not what you did. I always did the stuff I think that is good for me and my future. I know how to make me happy in case I end up beeing sad. But nobody knows how to heal the facts of life dripping into the fabulous dream world you entered after inserting the first DVD of your beloved series.

I don't like coming back to reality so harsh. I better begin finding another series to get a fix til my schedule turns into a more "long away from home"-alike model. In those times I realize how awesome a boyfriend with the money to pay his own home would be. To bad I can't afford it without jobbing and then reducing the time I can work on getting better marks. But on the other hand - who wants to live with somebody just living in his home? Beeing a geek, a totally focussed and dreamy geek can be quite hard in a social way. Beeing a gay geek is again something completely different, not just another factor. Especially when it turns out that your beloved flame prefers to dig his nose in Lara Croft's cunt instead of other places more close to you. Sometimes I'd like to turn all game developers and character designers gay, so they don't create such virtual dreams of straight computer nerds.

We need more barely clothed heros with breastplates. Accompanied by their trusty, body-bound club made of 100% organic material. And yes, I know, that is not different from Lara Croft in the straight sense. I'm still a geek anyway, somehow I need to get satisfaction after those days of starving for a more love-coated life away from the typical gay scene I'm simply not following (not even here in Berlin) due to their general sillyness and culture. I begin to understand why there are so many internet relationships, people using Skype and whatever not stuff to see themselves with needing to get closer. So they don't to move their asses and can "simply" find someone without needing to dig too deep.

*sigh* Where are all the gay, glasses-wearing geeks when you need them. The stereotype tells there are as many as straight ones. And wearing a shield with "GAY STUDENTS INSERT HERE" on your back isn't truly a good idea to find them (I'm glad I didn't think of something like that...). Or it's me not seeing anything. This happens. Often.

No comments: